Keep Going

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; who shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

The month of January and February have passed. In the middle of January I didn't think I could keep going, but I have. I still have a fear that I'm not going to make it through this semester of graduate school. I fear for my job. I fear that I'm not being the best wife I can be. I fear that I'm not living for the Lord. Bro. Kirk preached on Psalm 27 yesterday and I know that his message was for me. I have to first want to have the Lord first in my life and then be confident that He is going to carry me through. I am beginning to think that I'm going to make it. I'm taking those baby steps. One thing at at time. I'm almost finished with the yearbook, then I've got lots of papers to write for internship, etc. But if I trust and put my confidence in the Lord all this shall pass. Today at faculty meeting we watched a clip from the movie Facing the Giants and it really hit home. I've got to keep pushing. I've made it this far and I can't give up. I know that the Lord has plans and I've got to lay all my stress and fears at the foot of the cross. Please pray for me that I can make it through this semester of internship and that I will let go of my fears.

Death

This week has brought back so many feelings. I've really been missing my dad this week, because it seems like every other day someone else has passed away. Jason's grandmother passed away, then Coach Mac Thompson, then Adair, and today Buddy Glasgow. All the feelings of losing dad have been rekindled and it honestly hurts my heart. I know that death is apart of life, but it never makes it easier. Even after 4 months it is still hard. I still get angry because I wasn't able to talk to dad before he left this earth. I keep thinking about the last time I saw him awake and all the words I wish I would have said. I think about Mac's boys who aren't going to have their dad to see them play their last senior football game, I think about all the students that Adair had an impact on, and Daviston because he was Buddy's boy. I often think, "I just wish the Lord would come back!" Please pray for each of these families as they are going through very difficult times.

A Beautiful Day

I have enjoyed my day off today. I did get a lot accomplished...cleaned the house, bought baby gift, worked on grad school assignments, and did my lesson plans for this week. I wish I could get more motivated to work on grad school work. I'm almost done...should be graduating in August. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel even though it is only the size of a pinhole. I want to be done so badly. I believe this internship is going to get the best of me. I have to mange some way to get 60 hours of work in my school library and teach at the same time. I'm already giving up my spring break to go visit a school in Mobile County to clock some hours. I also have to get 100 hours at a public library, which isn't so bad but I would rather be at home reading a book. YIKES!! Lord, be my strength.

I also have a heavy heart today. Tammy, one of my best friends, daughter is at UAB. I don't know a whole lot, but Jess is a very sick young lady and needs our prayers. Tammy says that her lupus is flared up. Also, our PTO president is fighting breast cancer again. Katerine Brannon is her name. I taught her son in third grade. And a childhood friend of mine lost his grandfather last week. This is the Lash family.

Back to work!

It is Almost Here!

Christmas is just mere hours away. I did some last minute shopping today and you could not pay me to get out in that mess again. It was crazy. I was glad to get home after picking up the puppy dogs from mom and dad's. We piled up on the couch and took a nap. Okay, back to Christmas. I know that it is going to be hard not having my daddy here, but as I reflect on this year I can honestly say that it has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I've grown closer to the Lord, I've seen the Lord work miracles, and my marriage is grown closer to the Lord. All of this was at the expense of losing my daddy, but this is the prayer that I've prayed so many times "If that's what it takes Lord, Bring the Rain" and apparently that's what it was going to take. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think, miss, dream, hurt, or talk about my daddy. He will forever be in my heart. So, I not going to get caught up in the presents, the rush of life, but celebrate that the Lord sent his only Son so that I might have eternal life. I know that my daddy is in Heaven and I know that one day, because Jesus came that I will see my Heavenly Father and my daddy in Heaven.

Christmas time was always a wonderful time for our family. Dad always made it such a big deal. My sweet husband is doing an excellent job of making it a big deal this year. We are doing Christmas a little different this year for more than one reason. Cody and Donny have to work on Christmas Day so we are having Christmas Thursday morning...Santa and all! We are also doing everything at our house. Cody and mom agreed to spend the night here so that it could be like it used to be at mom and dad's. Please pray for us as we start new traditions and celebrate this wonderful time of year with dad.

Here are two random pictures of my husband, Donny, and I in Piedmont, Alabama.

Bag Full of Emotions

I get much comfort of getting my feelings out when I write. Today has just been a emotional rollercoaster. I knew it was bad when I fell apart in front of my 22 nine year olds and all they wanted to do was give me a group hug. Thank the Lord for small blessings. This week as been full of memories of my daddy. Monday night Sean Kendrick was named as the new Calera Fire Chief. As a family we are delighted at the mayor's choice and for Sean's family, but it so hard to know that someone else will be sitting in my dad's office and driving his truck. Sean did honor our request to retire dad's call number of Chief 20.

It hurts...

• Every time I hear those sirens while at school it sends chills up me.
• When I leave the lunchroom and look out at the station to see if dad's truck is there.
• Every time I drive up to my parent's house and look at all of dad's projects that he loved so much.
• When I talk to Ruby and she still looks for her Pop.

I know this is just going to take time, but it hurts my heart.

I also want to tell two awesome stories.

November 27 would have been my parents 32 wedding anniversary and believe it or not my mom got a dozen yellow roses from my dad. See my daddy was such a romantic. He loved to do the smallest things to make you feel loved. When he was diagnosed with leukemia he told a family friend that there was an envelope in his desk drawer with her name on. It had instructions for her to take care of a few things. One of the things was to send mom one dozen yellow roses on their anniversary. He even left a card and the money to go with them. So, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving (because the florist was closed on Friday) mom received her roses at work. My brother and I knew about it and we were both so worried about how she would take it, but she handle it very well. There is no way of knowing if dad knew that his time on earth would be shorter or longer but he was prepared to do something for his wife. Talk about true love!

For Thanksgiving we decided to get away and go to Callaway Gardens for the weekend. We left Friday morning, stopped in Montgomery to watch the Iron Bowl and then on to Georgia. We were schedule to go see the Fantasy Lights that night. I had no idea what the Lord had in store for me. We were fortunate to be able to ride the trolley. Shortly after we began to make our way through the lights I heard a daughter talking to her daddy about the pretty Christmas trees and how she liked the red one. I started listening a little closer because the next thing I remember hearing was her telling her daddy that she loved him. All I could think about was how I remember being so innocent at such a young age and I was such a daddy's girl. As the ride continued I begin to talk to the young girl whose name was Riley and she was in the first grade. We talked about symmetry with the lights on the pond, the beautiful butterflies, and flowers that were all lit up. I also remembered how as a family we used to go load up in the car to go look at Christmas lights. I always enjoyed this part of Christmas. As the ride started to come to an end, I knew that the Lord placed Riley and her dad Steve on that trolley for me. He wanted me to remember what it was like to wrap up in my dad's arms because it was cold or just to get a hug and a kiss from him. When we got of the ride I felt the need to tell Steve that I believe that the Lord put them on that trolley with me for a reason. He told me that he could tell from the conversations we had as a family that we had apparently had lost our dad. I'm so thankful for that little girl.

Okay, now that I've sat here and cried as I wrote this post I feel better and I think it is now time to go to bed.